MLK DAY MUSINGS

Growing up the refrain “you have to be twice as good to get half as much” was something that I always heard. Though it’s something that I’m sure my parents thought of from the moment I was born, I didn’t truly understand it until middle school. It has followed me ever since.

When I was in high school and someone told me that I shouldn’t worry about school so much, black people always have sports to fall back on.

When I would come home from college and people would ask where I went to school and I would reply “Yale” and their response was always “Really? You must’ve gotten extra points because you’re black.”

In med school, when the same comments kept coming from people who didn’t even know me at all.

Now as a black, female doctor in medicine, I still come across these prejudices from patients and healthcare staff alike. Being mistaken as the nurse or the phlebotomist happens more often than it should--especially *after* I've already introduced myself. People still harbor the belief that somehow affirmative action got me here—not my countless hours of hard work, not my intelligence, not my drive. And occasionally, I get patients who just won’t address me as “Doctor”. These incidents always remind me that I’m not really supposed to be in charge. That I don’t fit the mold of most people’s expectations of what a “doctor” or “surgeon” should look like.

As a result, it took me a while to stop feeling like an imposter when I introduce myself as the doctor. I had to realize that I deserve to be there—I put in the work and the sweat and the tears just like my co-residents and just like my attendings before me. I go into work excited and leave exhausted yet exhilarated because I love it and no one is allowed to take that away from me.

So it's ok for me to demand the respect I've earned. I can say “Doctor” with confidence-- because no one is going to give me that respect if I don’t give it to myself first.

So on this MLK day, I ask you to remember that you deserve this. You deserve this just as much as the person sitting next to you in that interview, in that class, in that job. You worked for it just like they did and no matter what anyone says, you can hold your head high knowing you are just as qualified, just as capable, and just as intelligent. And you are here to stay.